So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
