Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am one with the molecules
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
