i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
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