Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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