She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
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I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The power of my boobs compel you
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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