You don't have asthma, your pregnant
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
