fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
