never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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