redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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