Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize