Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
