OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize