In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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