if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
