If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Drunk is not a location!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
