Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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