Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This is my gift to your gina
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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