Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
