did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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