we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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