I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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