Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
