hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
