Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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