Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
