What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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