WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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