Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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