I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
