I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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