20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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