id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
