Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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