in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
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bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
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I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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