dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
