Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
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The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
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My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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