In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
