Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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