just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
