Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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