Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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