I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
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