Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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