my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
