he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
