Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
