in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
