oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
