I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
