she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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