Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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