you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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