I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize