how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
In America we eat man semen.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize