Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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