Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
