The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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