Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
