Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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