then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
