The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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