i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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