my mouth tastes like poor choices
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
